I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
