Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
