She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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