Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
