I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We are all done wearing pants today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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