you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
