god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
