"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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