There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
