I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
