If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
