My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh god it's open bar.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
