I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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