TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
