I want to have your abortion
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
