My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
