she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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