Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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