I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
