college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
