help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
