I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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