I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
