Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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