If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she smelled like a LAN party
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
