i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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