This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
