also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
