We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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