went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
NoShamevember. You game?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
