the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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