just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
