I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
