I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
