I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
