you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
