I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
