I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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