Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
