As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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