Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
