He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
