he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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