I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
