so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
ok first of all what the fuck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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