Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
