drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm really busy with my period
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