Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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