I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
