I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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