The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
