I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
