i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
