I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
