i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Come see our sink grown plant.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
