Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
