I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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