Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
