I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
