this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
