We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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