his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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