i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
