I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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