I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
