Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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