Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
